Reviews that make me go Ouch!

Good reviews are like delicious droplets of milk that jump out of the bowl while you milk your cow, splashing your face and arms. Bad reviews are like tiny sparks that jump out of the campfire at night, burning your skin and making you gasp ‘ouch’. An author’s life is a mixture of droplets and sparks.

Here are four of the sparkiest customer reviews my books have received in the past few years. The third is from Barnes and Noble, the rest from Amazon.

I only recommend THE YELLOWCAKE CONSPIRACY for people who are able to follow the puzzling jigsaw layout

The characters in OUTLAW are flatter than yeastless pancakes

OUTLAW is disturbingly and graphically violent. It also trumpets none too subtly a number of value-laden political messages

The action in HACKING TIMBUKTU was choppy, mostly because the author’s descriptive abilities seem to be sophomoric at best. I would give less than a star if I could

Most authors know by now that you should never comment on bad reviews or reply to reviewers – it never ends well. Unless you’re Robert Burns, in which case it’s hilarious (thanks Krystle, for that fantastic link).

Reviews are essential to authors today. Really, they are. Good reviews, bad reviews, mixed reviews, they all help potential buyers to make an informed choice. If you liked one of my books, I would urge you please to write an honest Amazon review of it. If you despised one of my books with every fibre of your being, I would urge you to keep quiet review it anyway.